I wrote this while sipping sparkling lemonade.

When we broke up I was devastated.  Devastated because I had started to imagine our lives together. I was invested and then BOOM... it was over. Until the next day, when we talked. We were still broken up but we were talking and that felt good.  There were no hard or bad feelings between us, in fact we both still liked each other very much. The gray area kept us talking. Talking so often that it was almost like we didn't breakup, except we did, cuz I remember crying for a full day. We talked every. single. day. Interesting, right? 

It has been a few weeks since the beginning of the end, we had one night of blissful breakup sex and then I decided, it was time to get back out there and TRY AGAIN.  I went on a few dates, talked to a few guys on the phone. Nothing remarkable but I was trying. I was finding my Natalie is back on her own vibe and then I got food poisoning... I thought I was dying (as you do) I mean it was 3 days of hell.  I text my ex on the first day of hell (because we were still talking every day) and in a series of texts I got why we wouldn't work.  I share and he protects. And those things don't sound at odds but I promise you, the way we express them, they are.  We are a lovely match on the surface. He is beautiful and kind. He is so many wonderful things. And being afraid and running toward the danger anyway, is what I am about. Life is about how one repairs and rebuilds. I am messy and loud, dangerous and wild. I am a beautiful girl with a plan she knows nothing about. Somedays, I forget I can talk to God, so I sit lonely, in this big ass dream of a warehouse that was handed to me. Somedays, I do nothing and wonder where my passion went.  Other days, no one can keep up with me, left in the cloud of dust trailing behind me. I am not easy to be with but I am easy to love. I like to talk things through out loud but punishment shouldn't follow what I uncover. I am a woman trying to maintain an artists heart. Trying to wake up and answer the hardest questions in life. There are no shortcuts in love. You want the glory of a beautiful story, you gotta earn it! You said we wouldn't work because you didn't want to be hurt, when the truth is, we didn't work because you don't know how to heal. 

Disclaimer: And now that I got all of that out, the real truth is.. It didn't work. Why it didn't work, is for the two of us to look at individually and sort through our own lessons. I wish him love, peace and joy!